Monday, July 23, 2012

What Happens When a God Falls?

Once upon a time there was a young man who everyone considered to be highly intelligent, who could learn whatever he wanted to learn, and who went to college to get a degree in biology. He was particularly attracted to the complexity of the science -- the difficulty made it interesting. However, this young man had a hard time getting close to people, and particularly had a hard time with women. His ease in academia convinced him he could do anything, that he could accomplish anything. And nobody told him differently -- in fact, everyone backed up his view of himself. Thus, he developed a God complex.

However, the fact that he could not seem to get into a relationship with a woman bothered him. He was of course looking for someone to save, as all Saviors do.

He went on to grad school, but found himself growing increasingly bored with what he was studying. It was too easy. He was growing restless.

He tried to get a job, but the only jobs he could get were menial jobs, degrading to a mind like his. He deserved more. He deserved better.

Why couldn't everyone recognize how great he was? So many used to, and now it seemed nobody did.

What happens when a God falls? Does he not fall farthest?

If this sounds like James Holmes, the Aurora, CO shooter, it's because it probably is a perfect description of what happened to him.

And how do I know? Because it's what happened to me. Learing about him, I was horrified to see myself when I, too, was 24. Yes, it happened at the same age, too.

Yet when I fell, I fell into myself, into an internal darkness. I externalized everything into my writing. I became a poet. I recovered.

When Holmes fell, he externalized immediately. We know the result.

Why does one externalize, like Holmes, and another internalize, like me?
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